Timmy Turtle insists he’s not enjoying himself. The hat was a gift. The scarf’s on backwards. And frankly, the music’s too loud. But for someone so staunchly anti-festive, he’s suspiciously good on the ice.

Where others wobble, Timmy glides. His shell provides perfect balance; his scowl, laser focus. He claims it’s just physics – “a low centre of gravity” – but there’s more to it than that. The triple turn last Thursday? Entirely intentional.